Should You Sing At Weddings? AITA Reddit Stories
The moment people know you can sing, requests come pouring in: birthdays, weddings, church services, family gatherings - more often than not without compensation for the singer. For some singers, this can be fun and validating. But for others, it quickly becomes overwhelming or can feel like a chore.
That’s what happened with me at my own wedding. My mom really wanted me to sing at my own wedding and I told her that singing is my job and that I don’t want to “work” at my own wedding. But she had a good point - she said that our whole extended family is traveling 5,000 miles to celebrate with us. The least I could do was sing 1 song for everyone. So I did - I sang one of my original songs called “Until Now” and everyone loved it.
But what about the times you get asked to sing at your cousin’s wedding and you just really don’t want to. Whatever the reason is, you don’t have to if you don’t want to. So let’s have a look at how to respectfully say no without burning any bridges.
Handling Requests With Grace
How do you navigate people asking us to sing without burning bridges? Here’s what we recommend:
Offer an alternative. Maybe instead of singing for a full 2 hours, offer to sing 1 song during their ceremony. Or offer to write them a different song instead of singing the one you specifically wrote for someone else/a different occasion. Maybe you have a friend you could recommend for their services instead.
Be clear and kind. Instead of making excuses, explain honestly why the request doesn’t work for you.
Stand firm. People might push back, but once you’ve made your decision, respect yourself enough to hold the line.
How we handle requests from family, friends or even just acquaintances will vary depending on the situation. But please never let your self get bullied into saying yes to something you don’t want to do.
The Big Money Question
More often than not, people will assume that you’ll do these things for free. And sure, singing 1 or 2 songs at your brother’s wedding - I’d expect that to be free as well (that’s what I did for my brother and never would have expected to get paid for that). But if they are asking you to sing for 2 hours during the cocktail hour - meaning you’re missing out on all the fun and you’re working - you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for compensation for your services.
I always find it interesting when people value someone else’s craft so much that they want that at their wedding, but not enough to pay for it. Makes no sense to me… Of course, you can give them a discount on your usual rate if you want to to help them out, but you don’t have to do anything you don’t feel comfortable with.
Also, if you don’t usually get paid to sing, that doesn’t mean that you can’t charge in this situation. You probably wouldn’t charge what experienced bands and singers are charging, but you don’t have to play and sing for free when you’re putting in a ton of effort to create a set list for them. You are providing a ton of value and you should get compensated for that.
The Bigger Picture
Singers are artists, not jukeboxes. Your music, your voice, and your emotional energy are valuable.
When you learn to set boundaries with your art, you not only protect your creativity—you also make sure that when you do perform, it’s authentic, joyful, and powerful. And that’s just a better experience for everyone involved!
The Verdict
If you’ve ever been asked to sing in a situation that didn’t feel right, remember: saying “no” doesn’t make you selfish. It makes you an artist with integrity.
Whether it’s at a wedding, a family gathering, or even a professional gig, the best performances happen when you’re fully present and connected—not when you’re pressured into singing against your will.
🎧 Want to hear the full discussion with Coaches Kate, Bri, Emily, and Juliana?
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