Constructive Criticism Or Insult? AITA for Being Honest?

Giving and receiving feedback is such a touchy issue… It can really empower someone or make them never want to sing again. It’s frightening to see how many singers come across our studio who haven’t sung for years, even decades, because of the feedback they received in their childhood.

But after reading some Reddit stories together with Coach Emily from our team, I can’t say I’m surprised anymore that this is happening so frequently. Most people think they just need to be honest (or even brutally honest) to help someone improve. But sometimes that honesty can lead to shut down…

So let’s have a look at what not to do and how to actually give constructive feedback that’s helpful.

The Line Between Honest and Harmful

🎙 Emily: “You can be straight up without being mean. Honesty without kindness is cruelty.”

So many singers (and parents, and teachers…) think that being helpful means being brutally honest. But feedback without kindness, context, or action steps is just discouraging.

We saw it in the Reddit stories—like the dad who told his daughter, “You have a great voice… on the last two notes.”

Oof. That’s not feedback. That’s a dig. And it helps no one.

🎙 Lara: “Calling it ‘honesty’ doesn’t excuse bad delivery.”

This one came up a lot in the stories we read. People saying things like, “Well, I’m just being honest!”—as if that justifies being rude, dismissive, or careless.

We’re here to tell you: it doesn’t.

Being honest and helpful is what makes great coaches, collaborators, and friends. If your feedback leaves someone feeling worse with no idea what to do next, it’s probably not worth saying.

Constructive Feedback vs. Control

🎙 Lara: “If your feedback doesn’t give the singer a way to improve, what’s the point?”

A lot of people use “feedback” to control, not to support. But the goal of constructive criticism is to empower, not discourage.

Here are some core principles to keep your feedback genuinely helpful:

• Use the feedback sandwich: Start with something positive → share your critique → end with another positive. This keeps the tone balanced and prevents the feedback from feeling like an attack.

• Be specific! Saying “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” doesn’t help anyone grow. Point to what exactly worked or didn’t. For example: “The phrasing in the second verse was so expressive. The high notes in the chorus felt a little strained

• Tone matters. Your delivery can either open doors or shut someone down. Keep it calm and encouraging—not sarcastic, cold, or overly blunt.

• Stay neutral and curious. Instead of saying “I didn’t like how nasally you sound on the high notes” try “I noticed a lot of nasality on the high notes. Was that on purpose?” This turns your observation into a conversation, not a judgment.

• Be honest when asked. If the singer specifically asks for your opinion—like “Did you like the tone there?”—answer honestly. Just be kind with your wording.

• Give Suggestions. If you can, offer ways to fix or improve the issue. Even a simple “Maybe try softening that vowel” or “Have you experimented with breathier tone there?” can go a long way.

Of course, not everyone is a voice teacher and you don’t need to be one to give really valuable feedback. You don’t have to know how to fix something in order to point it out. If you noticed nasality, that’s helpful info—even if you don’t know how to reduce it. Your feedback raises awareness. Now the singer can bring it to a coach or look up exercises. Maybe they didn’t even realize it was happening until you mentioned it.

Awareness is the first step toward improvement.

Are You Coachable?

🎙 Emily: “Being easy to work with will take you further than being perfect.”

This is something we both heard in music school, and it’s 100% true.

Yes, technical skill matters. But the singers who grow the most (and get hired the most!) are the ones who are coachable. That means:

• Taking feedback without spiraling

• Staying open, even when it’s uncomfortable

• Asking questions instead of getting defensive

• Being professional (showing up on time, knowing the music, etc)

And here’s the good news: coachability is a skill. You can learn it, practice it, and get better at it—just like anything else.

🎧 Ready to Hear the Full Chaos + Coaching?

This episode is packed with wild Reddit posts, a few belly laughs, and a ton of insight for singers navigating feedback in rehearsals, from family members at home and from their partners in the car.

🎧 Whether you’ve felt attacked by critique or scared to give it, this episode will shift how you think about it—for good.

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